Health & fitness is a big deal to me; It has always been & I hope it always will be a top priority in my life. But when will I be happy with myself, when will I be content with my appearance, at some point you have to say enough is enough. I am who I am & I look good that way...
I've never been okay with what my body has looked like & partially I think that is due to the fact that it took me until I was a Sophomore in High School to lose most of my 'baby fat." I was always the girl towering over all the boys in school & the athletic one that was a bit chunky, but never fat. Once I met my future husband, I was the average looking girl in High School. I don't think I stood out as being to thick or to tall anymore. I was happy that a boy saw me for something more than just looks. But then I wanted to look better for him, then I wanted to stand out & be the best looking for him. (It's insane what a guy will do to your self esteem!!) I really have always ate healthy for the most part, I was never big into sweets & I knew how important moderation was. My parents are very healthy cooks & still our to this day; So I was raised in a healthy atmosphere, my body was just working through its course & I had to accept that!
Of course I got sick my freshmen year of college. My thyroid was really outta whack, I was having issues with food allergies <-- We will save that for another blog post, but that year I got super thin & sick. As much as I liked my body that thin, I knew it was only because I wasn't eating due to my allergy. So I didn't work, I didn't deserve that body & it wasn't a good thin by any means. I was unhealthy, sick & starved. Once I finally figured out my food allergy issue & got my thyroid under control, my body started to regulate. Up & Down, Up & Down. That is how my weight has been for the past 6 years. Sometimes a few # above my average, sometimes a bit below. Nothing to crazy, but I usually have to work hard to lose a few # and work even harder to keep it off!
When I SHOCKINGLY/UNEXPECTEDLY got pregnant I was the healthiest I have been my whole life. I exercised regularly and found a true passion for running. I knew that this pregnancy,I was going to gain weight I had worked so hard that summer getting rid of. (Even if it was only 5#, I worked all of summer 2010 to lose it)! So Letting myself Go, as some people would say was NOT an option for me. I wanted to continue to workout through my entire pregnancy & not indulge entirely
So I stuck true to my words, Even when Bryce wanted me to quit working out, so I would gain more weight (He was convinced if I didn't work out, I would gain more weight, the baby would gain more weight, & that was how you make a BIG healthy baby) Well I proved him wrong. Because I only gained 22# throughout my pregnancy & we had the most perfect baby in the world. Her size was perfect, my size was perfect & We were both in phenomenal health. I had a easy delivery, due to the good shape I stayed in & the weight came off without even trying.
**every Pregnancy I go through, I will do exactly the same, I will eat what I want (In some moderation!) & exercise! I advise this to all women, its truly helps both in delivery and your post recovery!
But this leads me to where I am today, My health, My body, My Mind. I have a new body, new belly that will never be the same, & still I have goals I want to attain. I struggle to maintain my weight still & I still want to look better. For myself & for my fiance. Even if he tells me I'm perfect, I still think he deserves the best looking Momma out there! I want to feel good & feel healthy. I was able to start up exercise very quickly after labor & I have only continued to push my self! Running is my outlet, it clears my mind & makes me feel good. Without it I would go insane! Even when i don't lose a single # from doing it, I do it for my Mind. (Yes people I might be a tad bit crazy!)
So I guess the point of this blog is that I still haven't been able to look in the mirror & say I am happy with the way I look. I know I have the biggest blessing in the world. Having a family has always been my BIGGEST DREAM & I have it. However, I am still only one person, with very attainable goals & living a healthy lifestyle is what I choose. If I think I can better myself, my body, my family.. I will. And I do think I can! After all, I think it is so unbelievable important to teach a good healthy lifestyle to your family, & through my passion, goals & determination I will do so. And in the end, I hope to reach the day that I do feel great about my body. I am not going to drive my self insane trying to get there, but really... Whats life if you just give up?!
The difference between a goal & a dream is a deadline..
& I certaintly don't have one!