A changing identity.

For many years my identity came from my personality; my friends & family knew me through my actions, my fun & my whit. My husband fell in love with a spontaneous young girl full of life. I was active, rebellious & free. but I've changed. Part of my identity now comes from being a wife & mother. A huge part. It instantly changed the moment I had my first born daughter. I became the housewife who was & still is so set on schedules & order. {My kids thrive on this after all, right?!} The mom who focused on her children far more than her relationship with god & my husband. Part of my identity is hidden in some crevice of earth, its buried in laundry, housework & motherhood. I don't want to stay buried, my kids need me to be full of life, smile & enjoy every moment right along with them, but mainly so does my husband.

We vacationed this weekend with two close friends, deep into the heart of their relationship; their dating & at that phase in their life where life is at ease. We also vacationed with my parents who are at a stage in their life where they are just living each day to the fullest; totally engulfed in their grandchildren & in each other. The love is so strong, its obvious! This deep love surrounding my husband & I seems so young & care-free. The way it was when we met & dated for years.

I've been told that the hardest days of a marriage our the days surrounded by raising young children. It's so easy to get focused on their needs & structured parenting is so important for them. I wouldn't say that our marriage is hurting in any way, shape or form. We love each other entirely, but its a love wrapped around whose changing the next diaper, whose night it is to put the kids to bed & whats the most effective way to discipline a toddler. Our marriage is a bond we will never break. But after this weekend I ask myself  if our marriage is being lived to the fullest? Our we putting our marriage first? We are the most important role models for our children & I want them to feel the love we have for one another because it truly is there.

I'm writing this post mainly for myself. I cannot speak for my husband; I only have control of myself. Our children our young, our journey is still so early on. The beautiful insignificant moments I have with my girls are such an intricate design that makes life worth living. I strive for these little moments of purity & happiness with my children. Yet, I lack the deep reality of what we are teaching them. What my own identity demonstrates to them. How my marriage above all is the base of all meaningful existence. My husband is my rock. We are the foundation of our family. Our love is much stronger & much deeper than we show.

So my identity has changed & maybe that's not all a bad thing. After all, my children are my world. I just want them to grow up feeling the love around them. I want to go on more vacations & relax about the little things. I want to hold hands more with my husband, kiss longer & have deeper conversation. I plan to laugh harder & not hold grudges for as long! That identity I had as a young school girl is still in their, I just choose to bury it in motherhood. It's no longer an excuse & that's a promise!

I'm back.

but you knew I was coming,


Let me fill you in, towards the end of November our computer crashed and we really needed to wait until after Christmas to afford a new one. Well we finally bought one and since then I’ve been in a crazy person wedding planning kind of mood! It’s less than 3 months away people, Holy crap! I’m getting anxious and maybe a bit nervous! I’ve spent 6+ years with the man of my dreams what is there to be nervous about? We went through so many trials & tribulations together, I graduated college, Bryce finishes his degree in a few months, we  started a family together and we’re now building a home life that we absolutely adore. These things are just the beginning of our forever life together; they are just tiny pieces of who we are and what’s in store for us. I have dreamed of the day I marry my best friend & it’s finally coming to a head! I’m ready and so excited that our big day as a family of 3 is almost here, but I’m nervous for a day that is all about me. I tend to put the focus on others, rather than myself.  However this is my day, (Bryce & Avery’s too) and I’m getting nervous for all eyes on me!

One more thing as I’m babbling on about my wedding day. I really hope it all comes together like I have pictured in my head, the colors, theme, etc. I’m just going with my gut on this one & I don’t really have an eye for design! I’m going for “Soft Vintage(ish) elegance”. Hmm, yes I totally made that up, but I hope I execute it! Regardless, the day is really just about me and my wonderful man and our next step in life together as the "Funchion family!"

Furthermore, it has been awhile since I’ve got to brag about my baby girl, so of course I won’t leave you without an update on Miss Avery. Where is time going people, the New Year has come and were already approaching February! My baby will be 8 months old very soon & I’m already getting newborn fever. Ekk!!! (We have a wedding to get through first, so I won’t put the cart before the horse) Avery is the happiest little girl, after her two bottom teeth broke through a few weeks ago, she really took a turn for the better. It was a long time coming; we knew that fussy baby was bound and determined to show us her true colors! She said good-bye to the crazy army crawl and she has been full blown crawling for over a month now. Avery is also pulling herself up on anything and everything, she has mastered falling on her butt to sit and get down. She has a great naptime routine down during the day & is starting to sleep through the night (almost). She is so stinking adorable and happy. I’m really in such an amazing place right now; each day keeps getting better and better. She really started to take to her ‘dada’ too! Her eyes light up when he comes home from work & she is instantly attached to his hip, it’s so endearing! She still hates food, but I try and will try and try again each meal to get her to eat and fill that little belly! She just loves her bottle & isn’t into solids at all. However, I’m sure more teeth are soon to spurt through, growth spurts will occur, sleeping patterns will tweak & our baby will change once again; but for now I’m living in the moment and I am so in love!

Love,
Jayme